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Congrats to the BoSox! Watch Out for Leeches!
For the first time since 1918, the Boston Red Sox have won the World Series. In fact, the Bosox, juiced by their thorough whipping of the New York Yankees, and let’s face it, a thoroughly superior team on every level, swept the formerly-fearsome St. Louis Cardinals. As a lifelong Cub fan, the BoSox crushing win gives me hope; we’ll have been waiting for eleven more years than Boston come the next World Series.
Of course, this is a political webzine, so we must know that John Kerry is leeching onto the BoSox juggernaut. He of course congratulated Larry Bird and Red Auerbach for their victory, and recalled when in 2000 Carl Yastremzki gave him a foul ball he caught behind the plate, signed the ball and Kerry’s BoSox hat, three days after election day. He then applauded the up and coming baseball players, Tom Brady and Corey Dillon. He also remembered when Funway Amusement park stood on the site of the current Red Sox home field, and how he had fun there as a child, and said that the Red Sox had the "newest and best" home field in the majors. Kerry then ordered a hot dog and a glass of 1981 Chateau Lafite Rothschild. He then told the Bosox fans how much a "man of the people" he was, and then his butler opened the door, Kerry got in his Rolls Royce, and sped off with a motorcade of 34 police cars and 15 SUV’s.
Someone, who knows little about baseball, supposedly said that Kerry wouldn’t be president when the Bosox won the World Series. The BoSox are an excellent team, and their win was all but inevitable. Actually, what was said is that Kerry wouldn’t be president unless the Bosox beat the Cubs in the World Series! Now the Cardinals are a four hour drive away, and that may be close, but close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.
I reiterate my congratulations to the BoSox. The Cubs and I will see you in the World Series of 2005.